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How to Get the Most Out of Couples Therapy

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

Every relationship has moments of conflict or stress. Sometimes couples are able to work through these periods on their own, but other times they find themselves having the same argument over and over, feeling distant from one another, or failing to communicate effectively. Maybe they can’t quite pinpoint what seems to be out of sync. Or perhaps they’re all too aware of their unhealthy patterns of conflict but aren’t sure how to change them. In these cases, couples therapy can help improve the dynamic and rebuild the relationship.

Unfortunately, misconceptions about couples therapy may prevent partners from seeking help until problems have become entrenched. It’s not true that “good couples” should be able to solve all their problems on their own, or that therapy is only a last resort for relationships in serious trouble. Couples counseling is an investment in your relationship that can help strengthen your bonds and give you essential insight into how to create positive change so that both partners feel more fulfilled and connected. It isn’t even necessary to wait for a problem to arise—some couples preemptively seek therapy when they’re navigating a life change like getting married, having children, or changing jobs to ensure that their relationship stays strong.

If you’ve reached the point where you feel your relationship could benefit from the professional guidance of a couples counselor, knowing what to expect and how to prepare will help you make the most out of your therapy.

 

What To Expect from Couples Therapy

The first thing to know about couples therapy is that it is not about “fixing” one partner or deciding who is “right” or “wrong” about the issues that have brought you in. Instead, couples therapy is about examining your relationship and interactions that have created problems in the past so that ineffective patterns can be replaced by healthier ones. Unlike individual therapy, the focus is not on you, but on both partners as a unit. Your therapist provides a nonjudgmental outside perspective to help identify the ways in which you both may contribute to a dysfunctional dynamic, and helps you change your behavior, improve your communication, and become more effective partners to each other.

Keep in mind that couples therapy is likely to make you feel vulnerable. After all, you’ll be discussing issues that may feel embarrassing or painful, or that are deeply personal and intimate. Choosing the right therapist—someone who specializes in couples therapy and who both partners feel comfortable opening up to in a therapy session—is essential for the process to produce the results you’re hoping for.

 

How to Prepare for Couples Counseling

The most important step you can make to prepare for couples counseling is for both partners to be willing to work at it. Commonly, one member of the couple may suggest counseling, while the other may feel more hesitant. It’s okay if both partners aren’t equally enthusiastic at the start, but both must be sincere about their efforts to address their issues together with a therapist. If one partner is unwilling to engage in the process, it will be impossible to make progress.

Next, take some time before your first session to think about the issues that are bringing you to therapy in the first place. It’s best if you and your partner can discuss your concerns and goals together, but if that is not possible, you should each take some time to reflect beforehand. Knowing the specific problems you’d like to solve—such as communication issues or lack of intimacy—will help you set relevant goals, as well as helping to keep your sessions focused on what you want to achieve.

Try to go into counseling with an open mind and the idea that meaningful change takes time. It may take a few sessions before you both feel fully comfortable in relationship therapy, and it’s likely to take several months for you to explore the issues in your relationship and work to establish new, healthier patterns.

 

What You Can Do to Make Couples Therapy More Effective

Once you’ve started therapy, how you undertake the process has a profound effect on what you get out of it. Some tips for getting the most out of it include:

  • Make sure you schedule your appointments for a time and date that works for you both and make those sessions a priority.
  • Do your best to complete any homework assignments you receive from your therapist. The idea is to help you practice and reinforce the new skills you’re learning, so neglecting this step is a missed opportunity for growth. (If a particular assignment is hard, make sure to discuss it in your next session.)
  • Focus on changing yourself rather than attempting to change your partner. Nobody can control somebody else’s behaviors, but if each of you sincerely work toward addressing your own issues, you increase the odds you can fix your relationship problems together. 

 

Find a Therapist

At SF Stress and Anxiety Center, our couples therapists and counselors draw on approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and The Gottman Method, which are based in relationship science. We have decades of experience helping couples build the healthy relationships they desire with research-tested, evidence-based methods. With both in-person and online sessions available, we make therapy accessible and convenient even when your schedules are hectic. We begin with a free question-and-answer call with one of our compassionate Care Coordinators to match you with the right couples therapy specialist in our network of expert providers. To get started reclaiming the intimacy, closeness, and harmony you’ve been missing in your relationship, schedule your free introductory phone consultation now.

What Type of Therapy Is Right for Me?

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

What Type of Therapy Is Right for Me & What Kind of Therapist Do I Need?

Often, the biggest step in seeking out therapy is deciding you need it—acknowledging that your mental health could benefit from talking to a professional can take courage. Once you’ve made that decision, the next question becomes, “What type of therapist do I need?” Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all proposition, so finding both the right kind of therapy and the right therapist to address your individual needs is essential for getting the most out of your experience. Understanding some basics about your options can help you find a therapist appropriate for your situation.

 

Misconceptions about Therapy

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the percentage of adults of all ages who received treatment for their mental health increased from 19.2% in 2019 to 21.6% in 2021. This growth may mostly be a sign of the stressful times we’ve all been through in the past few years, but it also shows that seeking therapy is not a rare phenomenon. The truth is, almost everyone will encounter a time in their life when they could benefit from therapy. Some, however, might be discouraged from pursuing it by common misconceptions.

The first misconception is that therapy is only for those with diagnosed (or suspected) mental health conditions. While therapy is beneficial for people who know they’re struggling with anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems, it’s also a powerful tool for dealing with issues that may seem more “ordinary,” such as constantly feeling overwhelmed or stressed out.

Another mistaken view is that going to therapy means you’re weak or unable to solve your own problems. In fact, it takes both strength and wisdom to acknowledge that you could use help and to take action to tackle issues head-on. Finally, therapy is not just talk—it’s a way to help you build self-awareness, cultivate healthier patterns of thought and behavior, and develop coping skills to navigate life’s challenges.

 

Different Types of Therapy

There are many different types of therapy, and the right one for you depends both on your personality and your reasons for seeking treatment. Again, there’s no one “correct” way to approach therapy, and what might be effective for one person may not work as well for another. Some common types of therapy include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a kind of psychotherapy (talk therapy) based on the idea that patterns of negative thoughts and behaviors are a factor behind psychological conditions, and that learning to change those patterns can help you view and respond to challenging situations more effectively. CBT is structured and goal-oriented, taking place over a limited number of therapy sessions.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): DBT is another type of psychotherapy based on the principles of CBT that focuses on how thoughts affect emotions and behaviors. DBT is considered especially effective for those who have trouble managing intense negative emotions. Features of this approach include teaching mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotional regulation.

Psychodynamic Therapy: Psychodynamic therapy is in-depth talk therapy based on the principles of psychoanalysis. This therapy is focused on the “why” behind thoughts and actions, helping patients gain insight into how past experiences shape their current behavior and relationships. With this knowledge, patients can work on changing patterns that no longer serve them.

Mindfulness Based Therapy: This type of therapy uses mindfulness strategies to develop the ability to experience thoughts and emotions without getting caught up in them. This can help break spiraling patterns of negative thoughts that can lead to anxiety or depression and which interfere with the ability to be fully present in the moment. Therapeutic approaches include Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction.

Couples Therapy: Couples therapy is a means for partners to gain a better understanding of their relationship dynamics and work toward interacting and communicating in a healthier way. While couples might go for counseling to address a specific problem or ongoing frustration in their relationship, couples therapy can also be used proactively to preserve healthy bonds when partners are experiencing a period of transition. For instance, counseling before marriage, when becoming parents, or when one partner is going through a significant career change can help keep a relationship strong in the face of increased stress.

 

How Does Therapy Work?

Therapy is a very individual process, so each person’s experience will vary depending on their treatment goals and circumstances. However, there are some common features you can expect. In your initial appointment, your potential therapist will ask about what brings you to therapy and what you’re hoping to get out of it. They’ll also explain their approach so you can determine if it sounds like the right fit for you. If you have any questions, be sure to ask them. Your therapist will want you to understand how treatment works so you can feel comfortable with the process.

The amount of time you will spend in therapy or the number of sessions you may have will be different depending on the therapeutic approach, your mental health concerns, and other individual factors. Your therapist may also assign “homework”—for example, journaling or exercises to do outside of the office—to support the work you do during your sessions.

 

How Do I Find a Therapist?

When looking for a therapist, many people rely on word of mouth or the recommendations of friends and family. Sometimes this works, but it may not be successful unless your mental health needs and goals are similar to those of the person making the referral. Online directories of providers can also be difficult to navigate, as they often provide limited information about services and may not give you a good sense of what to expect.  

At the SF Stress and Anxiety Center, we know it can be hard to find a therapist to meet your specific needs. That’s why our process starts with a free question-and-answer call with one of our compassionate Care Coordinators to help match you to one of our more than 40 licensed psychologists and counselors. We offer in-person therapy at our various California locations or online sessions via a secure, HIPAA-compliant platform.

Don’t wait to make a positive change. To find the right therapist to help you meet your mental health goals, schedule your free introductory phone consultation with SF Stress today.

Healthy New Year’s Resolutions for Your Mental Health

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

The start of a new year is a natural time to take stock of our lives and decide to make positive changes going forward. Often these insights lead us to set New Year’s resolutions around the goals we’d like to achieve: Lose weight. Exercise more. Eat healthier food. Save more money. 

While physical health and finances are typical topics of such resolutions, after the turmoil of the last few years, more people recognize mental health and wellbeing as a priority in the upcoming year. According to a Forbes Health / One Poll survey conducted in November 2022, 45% of respondents cited an improvement in mental health as one of their top New Year’s resolutions.

Just as familiar as setting New Year’s resolutions, however, is the idea that most of those resolutions are doomed to fail. That may make you hesitate to set a goal, but it isn’t entirely accurate. Readiness to change is vital to the success of any resolution, so if you find yourself inspired to do things differently in 2023, you’ve already made a significant step in the right direction. You can also improve your odds by considering how you make your mental health resolutions for the new year. Here are some tips to help set yourself up for success.

 

How You Set Your Goals Matters

Before you choose what aspect of your mental health you want to focus on, it helps to consider that how you set your resolution up can influence its likelihood of success. First, choose realistic goals. Small, sustainable actions that can be maintained over the long term are more likely to lead to lasting change than trying to make dramatic alterations all at once.

Try to set specific goals with concrete steps. While setting a vague goal can feel more flexible, it can also make it difficult to assess whether you’re making progress or to feel like you’re doing enough. For example, if you want to practice gratitude, your goal could be jotting down one or two things you feel grateful for in a journal at the same time each day. Keeping the action simple and attainable will help you build and maintain positive habits.

Most importantly, you should approach your goals with the knowledge that setbacks will happen. Perfection is not necessary to make progress—to use the example above, if you missed a day (or three) of journaling because work was overwhelming, the answer is to pick up again when you can, not quit.

 

New Year Mental Health Tips

It’s one thing to know that you want to improve your mental health in the new year, but another to know where to start. Some simple suggestions to try include:

Paying attention to the way you talk to yourself. People can develop a tendency to judge themselves harshly. Listen to the things you tell yourself internally—would you talk to a friend that way? If not, try to replace negative thoughts with more kind, forgiving words.

Limiting screen time. With current news and social media always at our fingertips, it can be hard to limit exposure even when it stresses us out. However, putting your phone and computer away, especially before bedtime, is essential for allowing ourselves to decompress from consuming a steady diet of bad news or comparing ourselves unfairly to other people’s highly curated versions of their lives.

Taking care of your body. Mental and physical health are linked, so making positive changes for your physical wellbeing can help improve your state of mind. This can be as simple as going for a short walk each day, going to bed a half hour earlier to get more sleep, or adding a serving of fruit or vegetables to your diet.  

Reaching out to a mental health professional. If you’re suffering from anxiety and depression, your own efforts to boost your mental health in the past haven’t been successful, or you’re just feeling stuck, the right therapist can be a catalyst for positive change. You don’t have to wait until things feel out of control to benefit from an impartial listener who can give you a new perspective and techniques to promote better mental health.

 

Individualized, Convenient Therapy

At the San Francisco Stress and Anxiety Center, we know that anxiety and stress impact every facet of your life. We offer accessible therapy in person or online to fit your busy lifestyle. Our evidence-based treatment helps you meet your goals with research-tested, structured, proven interventions. If you’re ready to make your New Year’s resolution for better mental health stick, schedule a free introductory phone consultation with an SF Stress Care Coordinator to get started.

6 Tips for Surviving the Quarantine With Your Partner

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

If you live with a partner coronavirus quarantine isn’t just about managing your own needs and anxieties. It’s about finding a way to coexist with someone and all of their needs and anxieties, every minute of every day in a confined space for an undisclosed amount of time. If you think that should be easy because you already live together and love one another, you’re wrong, and you know it.

For some couples, being stuck inside together in their own little bubble for a few weeks sounds like a dream come true. But for other couples, this could be their worst nightmare. If you’re feeling stressed out about the impact of coronavirus on your relationship, know that you’re not alone, and your nervous reaction to being quarantined with your partner is normal.  Even for the strongest couples, spending every waking minute of the day together (and night times too) can really throw any incompatibilities into sharp focus.

Here are some tips to help your union survive and thrive during the quarantine.

TALK TO EACH OTHER 

Communication is essential for a happy relationship on a good day, and all the more so during times of distress.

Venting about life and the current circumstances in the world is a great way to de-stress and connect with your partner. You will no doubt feel comforted by their love and support while you express yourself.

Just remember that dwelling on negative subjects can bring down morale and may cause your partner unnecessary stress, so don’t forget to communicate about the positives in your life as well. And when talking, be aware that listening is just as important. Take this time to learn how to really hear each other.

CREATE A SCHEDULE 

Most of us rely on schedules for a sense of stability and even to combat things like anxiety and depression. So, without our normal 9-to-5 routines, tempers might already be a little frayed.

Try minimizing conflicts by creating a rough schedule to add some structure to your days together. Create new routines to give life meaning and purpose beyond the mundane. It can be helpful to assign roles for each day: who cooks, who cleans, who is on diaper duty, and so on. Depending on both of your work styles and requirements, understanding what each other’s days look like can help foresee any issues and areas where you can compromise.

SHOW RESPECT AND KINDNESS 

It’s tempting to barge into your partner’s office when you have an interesting thought and know for a fact he or she is in there but do so respectfully. Knock on the door, check if they are busy, and ask if they have time to talk for a minute.

You and your partner may not always be on the same page during this quarantine and that’s okay Remember to show some respect to your partner’s work, personal space, and indulgences before invading.

We are all trying to figure out this “new normal”, and our daily habits and priorities are bound to change as we adjust. Be patient with your partner.

FIND NEW THINGS TO DO TOGETHER 

One of the biggest strains on your relationship is going to be boredom, stuck in the same place with little outside distraction.

If you’re in lockdown, you’re probably seeing a lot more of your partner than ever before – so it’s important to find new things to do together. Share in each other’s passions, cook a new cuisine together, start a DIY project together, enjoy the extra time in bed to try something new, write a list of all the things you’re going to do as a couple when this uncertainty eventually ends. There are tons of ways to make some happy memories and keep your spirits high while you’re safe at home. Look at this as an opportunity to grow closer. Making memories now could be stories you share forever.

SPEND TIME ALONE 

Part of a healthy relationship is being able to spend time by yourself. Couples don’t have to be together 24/7 – even during a lockdown! Take time to do the things you want to do. Practice your own hobbies, keep in contact with friends and family, journal, exercise alone and practice solo self-care.

When you feel a little suffocated and want some peace and quiet to binge a show or nap without judgement, calmly give your partner a smile and say, “I’m going to head to the bedroom for some quiet time. Could you give me an hour or two alone?” A smile lets them know that this is for your sanity, not because of them, and adding a clear time frame lets them know you are serious and helps you both create boundaries during your time in separate corners.

This will help you to feel connected with yourself which, in turn, will make you a better person for your partner to be around. It’s healthy to take your me-time, even if you’re isolating together.

GIVE GRACE 

Give yourself, and your partner, some grace during this unknown and anxious time. When anxiety and stress are heightened, our cortisol levels skyrocket and we can easily ‘snap’ at our spouse. When arguments occur, always follow through with repair work together. Own your emotions and your actions and leave room for grace with each other.

We have the ability to create a narrative of this chapter in our life. When you look back in a few years at this time in your life, how do you want to tell this story? How do you want to say this chapter in your life formed you individually and in your relationship?

We can choose to view this time as challenging or suffocating; or, we can choose to view this time as a time for internal reflection, relational building and learning, and intimate connection. This time in our world is new and unknown. We are all figuring this out together. We need the ongoing support from those around us to make it through.

We have couples therapists available to you if you and your partner wan to talk to a professional and make sure any issues don’t get worse. Feel free to reach out to us today.

 

How to Make Sure Social Distancing and Self-Isolation Don’t Hurt Your Mental Health

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

Across the country, people are being asked to work from home, universities are switching to virtual classes and large gatherings are being canceled. These are key strategies to prevent transmission of the coronavirus, but they can come at a social and mental-health cost: furthering our sense of isolation from one another and making us forget that we’re in this together.

As humans we are wired to be social creatures, coming together is often how we cope when a big disaster happens. Now, we’re being told to cope with this… by staying away from each other. Because social contact is such a fundamental human need, we can suffer both mentally and physically without it.

The goal of social distancing these days is to be separated, but not lonely. Here are some ways to remain social and combat loneliness during social distancing.

Make your social life a virtual one 

Investing in our relationships is one of the most important things we can do for our physical and emotional health—especially right now. Having close connections boosts our immune system, protects us from chronic health conditions, elevates our mood and helps us cope with stress…the very benefits so many of us are searching for as we shelter ourselves at home.

Instead of rapidly scrolling through though Facebook superficially commenting on posts, make a point to have meaningful interactions with just a few people. Be creative. Download an app you can play with friends, set up a virtual lunch date or ‘happy hour’ with friends or coworkers, even Netflix has an option to watch movies simultaneously with friends. As we are all working to be responsible and keep others at a safe distance, it’s equally important that we find ways to stay connected.

Do Something Comforting

Comfort is useful in coping with depression because it is a form of relief from the symptoms of depression. Feeling comforted means that you feel less of a negative feeling. Finding ways to give yourself comfort even when you are feeling lonely or depressed can help to improve your mental health. Below are some ideas of “comfort measures” that you can take even if you are alone.

  • Take some time for self-care. Put on a face mask, take a long bath, do what makes you feel pampered
  • Put on your headphones and listen to music that makes you feel good
  • Cook healthy comfort food
  • Revel in the joys of escapism. Give yourself permission to dive into your favorite shows on Netflix that make you smile
  • Have a cup of herbal tea and give yourself permission to relax even for just a few minutes
  • Light candles and cuddle up with a pet
  • Download a mediation app or follow a virtual mediation session

Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Even amidst a pandemic, it’s okay to put things aside. Taking time to invest in you is important.

Keep your sense of humor 

Humor can help you cope. We’re all dealing with a difficult situation that none of us have ever faced before. It can be very challenging trying to adjust to this ‘new normal’ we are currently living in, but a little bit of laughter can make your days not quite so dreary. Life is more pleasurable when you keep positive and enjoy yourself despite the odds.

Keep sending memes to your friends. Don’t stop watching really silly movies. It’s okay to laugh at some parts of your situation, which is unprecedented. It is very easy to be very serious about everything right now. Of course, this is serious. There are people who are sick and people who are dying. But if you look throughout history, the worst situations, the people who get through it feeling best from a mental health standpoint are those who keep their humor.

Distract Yourself

Another way to boost your mental health is to find healthy distractions. This might come in the form of art, watching shows, listening to ebooks, or finding other activities that interest you. Below are some ideas to help.

  • Take a virtual exercise class
  • Listen to audiobooks or podcasts on topics you like
  • Watch TED talks on Youtube about things that interest you
  • Watch documentaries on topics you’ve wanted to catch up on
  • Use this time to learn a new language or computer program- there are many free courses available online
  • Play games that engage your mind such as Sudoku, crossword puzzles, solitaire, or online chess
  • Organize. A very good way to distract yourself productively is to do something to better organize your life. Cleaning your house can be an incredibly empowering thing to do, especially when you are feeling bad

Stay positive

When the news is mostly doom and gloom—as it has been since the outbreak of the coronavirus— it’s hard for even the most optimistic among us to stay positive.

Although it may seem frivolous to prioritize happiness during a crisis, we will still experience positive moments in our day-to-day lives, and there are several reasons why we should consider embracing those experiences. A positive attitude can go a long way in managing chaotic situations and display some sort of resolve against the odds. Accentuate the positives and focus on what you are able to do during this time.

In times of constant negative messaging, you need an antidote so that you can keep your positive attitude and march forward with determination and hope. Be deliberate in activities that are positive, heartwarming, stress-reducing and laughter-inducing! It’s going to be difficult at times, but we’ll get through this.

 

How To Shift Your Mindset In A Time Of Crisis

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

How to Shift Your Mindset in Times of Crisis 

As the spread and far-reaching impacts of Covid-19 dominate the world news, we have all been witnessing and experiencing the parallel spread of worry, anxiety, and instability. While we little control over what is happening in the world, it is important to remember we have complete control over how we respond to it. The one thing we can do no matter the circumstances is take charge and change our mindset.

FOCUS ON OTHERS

Often, an over-focus on a stressor like the coronavirus can result in the narrowing of your perspective. Your lens gets smaller as you think about the immediate term, yourself and your closest relationships. It has been shown that helping others and volunteering contribute to happiness. While we can’t physically be around others there are many ways we can attend to the needs of others. Explore new ways to connect and volunteer virtually or research ways you can help your community while still staying safe. In times of uncertainty, pulling together to help is crucial to our overall health and well-being. The more you contribute in this fashion, the less you’ll need to worry about your own situation. You’ll become a source of confidence and begin to shift your mindset.

FEEL THE FEAR, BUT DON’T ACT FROM FEAR

Fear is a powerful emotion, it tells us something is amiss. Yet it is also a lower functioning part of our brain and can lead to uninspired action. So, take a minute to honor the fear, write about it if so inspired, and question it. Ask yourself what you are really afraid of, look at what the fear is telling you. Feel it in every sense of your body. Be friendly with it. See where it resides. Honor it. Thank it for informing you. Yet then release it. Don’t let it take hold of you. Feel it exit. Wish it well on its way out. And get yourself back to a positive emotional state.

Things may not be as easy as they were. Fear is normal and it is okay to feel. What is important to realize is that these new difficulties will either defeat you or reveal new strengths. Your physical muscles always get stronger from working against resistance. The same is true for the muscles in your mind, your spirit, and your character. Treat this whole period of challenge as a time when you can make your greatest progress as a human being.

SAVOR THE SMALL MOMENTS 

This can be really challenging especially at a time like now. It can be difficult to not focus on what we’ve lost. In addition to the tragic losses of life and health and jobs are the losses experienced by people of all ages: missed graduations and proms, canceled sports seasons and performances, postponed weddings and vacations, separation from family and friends when we need them most. But even during lockdown, you still have many small moments to savor. The smell of coffee, the feel of the warm shower on your back and so on. When you stop to take in these moments, rather than let them rush by on automatic pilot, you are giving your brain a chance to process the pleasure, which boosts your serotonin – the feel good neurotransmitter that helps elevate your mood and make you feel calm.

FOCUS ON YOUR TODAY

Stay present. We are freaking out about the virus because we are worried about the future, and possibly regretting the past. Yet we know this doesn’t keep us stay hopeful. Watch your mind wandering, exposure to news, and keep track of who you connect with and how you are feeling in that connection. Engage your senses to stay grounded. When you find your anxiety increasing, take a deep, slow inhale and notice what you smell. Get out in nature (if possible) and feel your feet on the earth. When we get in our head, we are generally unhappy and definitely not hopeful (hope requires positive feelings and inspired actions). Know what you can control, and what you can’t, and leave the rest behind.

That control part is key. Stressful situations are often beyond our control, and we create anxiety and worry when we try to control what we can’t. Focusing on what can be controlled, on the other hand, can decrease these feelings of anxiety.

LEARN TO ACCEPT UNCERTAINTY 

To cope with the uncertainty, many of us use worrying as a tool for trying to predict the future and avoid nasty surprises. Worrying can make it seem like you have some control over uncertain circumstances. You may believe that it will help you find a solution to your problems or prepare you for the worst. Maybe if you just agonize over a problem long enough, just think through every possibility, or read every opinion online, you’ll find a solution and be able to control the outcome. Unfortunately, none of this works. Chronic worrying can’t give you more control over uncontrollable events; it just robs you of enjoyment in the present, saps your energy, and keeps you up at night. These steps can help you become more tolerant and accepting of uncertainty.

  • Identify your uncertainty triggers. A lot of uncertainty tends to be self-generated, through excessive worrying or a pessimistic outlook. Some uncertainty can be generated by external sources, especially at times like this. Reading media stories that focus on worst-case scenarios, spending time on social mediaamid rumors and half-truths, or simply communicating with anxious friends can all fuel your own fears and uncertainties. By recognizing your triggers, you can take action to avoid or reduce your exposure to them.
  • Recognize when you feel the need for certainty. Notice when you start to feel anxious and fearful about a situation, begin to worry about what-ifs, or feel like a situation is far worse than it actually is. Look for the physical cues that you’re feeling anxious. You might notice the tension in your neck or shoulders, shortness of breath, the onset of a headache, or an empty feeling in your stomach. Take a moment to pause and recognize that you’re craving reassurance or a guarantee.
  • Allow yourself to feel the uncertainty. Instead of engaging in futile efforts to gain control over the uncontrollable, let yourself experience the discomfort of uncertainty. Like all emotions, if you allow yourself to feel fear and uncertainty, they will eventually pass.
  • Let go. Respond to the what-ifs running through your head by acknowledging that you’re not a fortune teller; you don’t know what will happen. All you can do is let go and accept the uncertainty as part of life.
  • Shift your attention. Focus on solvable worries, taking action on those aspects of a problem that you can control, or simply go back to what you were doing. When your mind wanders back to worrying or the feelings of uncertainty return, refocus your mind on the present moment and your own breathing.

REMEMBER: YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS

When you’re feeling anxious, tell yourself it’s a normal part of being human. It’s important to understand that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts may come into your head for a whole bunch of reasons. By accepting that they are not facts, thoughts lose some of their power to upset us.

Try writing down the words that are going through your head, especially when you’re in a tough situation. Then read them back as if someone else had written them. This can help you to realize that your thoughts aren’t you, and to accept them for what they are: just thoughts.

DO THE BEST YOU CAN…IT REALLY IS ENOUGH 

This is scary. I know some of you are worried about your family’s income. Some of you are worried about losing your home or your cars. Some of you are scared you’re going to lose your businesses or that you won’t be able to put food on the table. These are all very natural and fair things to worry about. Shifting your mindset won’t change your circumstances, but it can help you get through the day. Do the best you can. Remind yourself that some days are going to be harder than others, and don’t dwell on the things you could have gotten done or should have done differently. Instead, try to focus on the more positive moments throughout your day.

 

How to Look After Your Mental Health When the News Feels Overwhelming

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

Do you have a smartphone? Regularly access news on the internet? Check-in often on your social media accounts like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.?

If you do, you are probably getting ample exposure to the news and media. If you grew up in the age before social media and internet you will remember that your sources for news were from newspapers, radio, and television. Don’t get me wrong, access to media has its benefits. But considering recent tragedies, it’s timely to talk about how to care for yourself during times of national and international tragedy, disaster or crisis.

The next time those horrific headlines have you feeling overwhelmed, consider these seven coping strategies.

Look at the bigger picture

Thanks to the 24-hour news cycle and social media, we’re constantly inundated with horrific headlines, painting vivid pictures of pandemics, death and destruction. But aside from offering “thoughts and prayers” and feeling helpless, what can we do?

If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed with bad news, try putting the story you’ve just read or the footage you’ve just watched into some form of context. Look for statistics and historical perspectives that help establish the big picture instead of focusing on the gruesome details of the moment.

In other words, there is often comfort to be found in establishing context. The goal is to find the balance between feeling informed and educated on the situation at hand while not becoming totally overwhelmed by it.

Identify ways you can help

Getting upset by reading the news will not change the world around us; change requires action. Use your strong emotional response to those headlines as motivation to explore means by which you can make a difference to those affected by catastrophe. Can you make a donation in the form of time, money, or resources? What kind of aid is needed—not just in the immediate response to the crisis, but in the long-term as well?

Keep in mind, helping can only be healthy once you realize you can’t rescue everyone who’s suffering. Even the most effective activists achieving the greatest change only do so by focusing on a specific issue. We can feel great relief and fortitude when we align our actions with our values in ways both big and small.

Identify ways you can help yourself

Developing and practicing compassionate emotional first-aid is an important part of self-care. When you have heard, watched or read distressing news, it’s easy to fall into a rabbit hole, follow the related links, read the incendiary comments and allow that distress to snowball until you feel physically sick. Alternatively, you could acknowledge this pattern, take a breath and invest your attention elsewhere. Try to lose yourself in a good book or call up that friend who always makes you feel warm and comfortable. Develop a habit of regular meditation, physical activity and journaling—documenting your feelings by putting pen to paper. It’s a valuable practice that allows us to see the structure of our thoughts and ultimately, edit our thinking—an integral part of shifting our perspectives. According to Buddha, “If your compassion doesn’t include yourself, it is incomplete.”

Check the facts

When we read a horrific news story online, we all too rarely stop to ask ourselves who’s doing the reporting. Is it a reputable and reliable news source? Can you fact-check it against other credible sources? We often have a knee-jerk reaction to share news that reaffirms our own hopes, fears and belief systems without cross-referencing them for accuracy. For the sake of your own mental health (not to mention the well-being those around you), it’s important to develop a critical eye when it comes to evaluating news sources—especially before you decide to contribute to their reach by sharing them on your social media channels. Remember: Truth is the story that emerges from joining the facts. The more facts you have, the closer you are to the truth of the matter.

Disconnect

It’s hard, but sometimes you’ve just got to step away from the smartphone. An important strategy in coping with bad news is to limit your exposure—and that often means disconnecting. It doesn’t mean you don’t care; it’s more about ensuring balance and giving yourself the opportunity to recharge. With the world in a state of uncertainty, gathering information is one way to feel in control. But overconsuming the news—especially bad news—may not be doing your mental state any favors. There’s still a great deal of kindness in the world, and you’re more likely to experience it in a meaningful way firsthand than you are through a screen.

Understand the difference between sympathy and empathy

While the two words are often incorrectly used interchangeably, the difference in their emotional impact is important. Empathy, as the ability to actually feel what another person is feeling — literally “walk a mile in their shoes” — goes beyond sympathy, a simple expression of concern for another person’s misfortune.

Caring for others in times of need is one of the unique and beautiful acts of being human. There are a variety of ways in which we can achieve this, and the ways we do this have a huge impact on the degree of social connection we experience. By understanding differences between empathy vs sympathy, we can more effectively respond to the struggles of others.

Look for the positive

When it feels as though a barrage of bad news can reach us all too easily, we sometimes need to make an effort to find positive news. This can help counteract news-related anxiety. While we may feel that it is our responsibility to understand what is going wrong in the world so that we can find a way to fix it, it is also very important to find out what is going well so that we feel motivated, hopeful, and uplifted.

Gratitude is a powerful way of finding balance in the midst of our own personal storms and of the bad news storms we often find ourselves in the midst of in recent days. By focusing our attention on feeling thankful for good news, it not only changes our perspective but also expands what we feel grateful for.

Taking steps to minimize stress during these difficult times is essential for both your physical and mental health. While watching the news can provide you with critical information about protecting yourself and others, taking in too much information can be overwhelming and detrimental to your mental health. Unfortunately, we can’t control what goes on in the world around us, but we can have some control over the way we react to it.

 

How To Make The Most Out Of Teletherapy

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

Talking with a mental health professional is beneficial for a countless number of reasons. Not only does it help with very real issues like depression, trauma, and anxiety, but it can be extremely useful in periods of acute stress ― which many are experiencing right now given the current events.

With social distancing and self-isolation, therapists all over the country have had to cloe their office doors and find new ways to serve their clients. That’s why teletherapy is becoming more crucial than ever.

Research suggests that teletherapy is just as effective as in-person therapy and will allow you to get support while following any social distancing guidelines or quarantine restrictions.

If there was ever a time for online therapy, we’re living in it right now. Whether you’re a regular client or just trying therapy for the first time here are some tips on how to use teletherapy to your advantage and get ready for your first session.

Know that it’ll be an adjustment

If you’re used to going to your therapist’s office, suddenly opening up to them on your bed or in your kitchen might be a little strange. If this is your first time, you may not know how to share your feelings with a new face over video chat. All of this is completely normal. A positive perspective is that you may be able to feel even more comfortable to dig deep during your sessions, given you will likely be in your own home or space.

Get dressed and treat it like you’re going to a normal appointment

The best results will come if you treat teletherapy like any other appointment.

This might mean going to a different room or area of your house or putting on certain clothes that would make it feel more like a typical appointment to you. This will allow you to get in a head space that is different, especially if you are in your house right now a lot more than you usually are.

Treat it like regular therapy if possible ― even if this was not the intended or preferred method of communication ― means working with your therapists on goals, figuring out if any of those goals need to be changed or altered given the current stressors, and continuing to make progress towards them.

Prepare your environment and equipment 

Before your appointment check that laptop, tablet, or phone are charged with a good webcam and audio connection. If you can, have your device plugged in and charging during your session. Earphones or headphones can help to prevent sound echoing and to allow you to fully focus on the conversation with your therapist.

Set up your space. Check your internet connection, and make sure your space is set up comfortably 15 minutes or so before your appointment. You might sit on a chair in front of a desk or table, or if you’re seated on the ground, a meditation cushion can be a grounding option. As you’re setting up, take this time to start quieting your mind and shift your attention from work, kids, or other commitments to therapy and healing. Try to minimize distractions as much as possible.

Use your first session to establish what you want to accomplish.

For those who typically go to therapy in person, your first teletherapy appointment is a good time to check in on your goals and progress. If you’re new to therapy entirely, expect your first session to lay out what you want to achieve with the process.

Getting started can often be the hardest part, but it may provide some comfort if you can know what to expect going into your first session. Therapists will start each session by making sure you feel comfortable, before working collaboratively with you to formulate a treatment plan and review different methods to help you address your needs.

Issues You May Want to Address

If you’re meeting with a therapist online because you’re social distancing, you may have coronavirus-related issues to address.

Here are some examples:

  • How can I manage my mental health when I’ve reduced my social contact?
  • What can I do about my anxiety surrounding the coronavirus?
  • Now that I’m spending more time at home, what steps do I need to take to stay as mentally healthy as possible?
  • Are there specific exercises or strategies I can use to build mental strength?
  • How should I talk to my kids about the coronavirus?
  • What can I do about my financial stress during this time?

Look at teletherapy as a way to help with socializing while social distancing.

Think of online therapy as a way to get some connection and understanding in an environment that otherwise feels isolating right now.

Humans are social beings. People need people. Feelings of anxiety, fear, and isolation are extremely common in this type of situation, and teletherapy is an optimal solution to help individuals manage their mental health and stay connected with the care you might need. Online therapy can also help you nurture your current relationships from a distance.

Our significant relationships with others and our emotional connections with others will help get us through this very difficult time. Social connections are vital during periods of intense stress like this one, and a therapist can help you keep your relationships strong when you’re physically apart.

Remind yourself that therapy is extremely beneficial right now

We’re dealing with something none of us imagined. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions. Therapy can help you navigate that.

These are uncertain and unusual times, and the situation is unprecedented. A significant number of us are stressed, anxious or just unsettled given the current situation. It’s important to know that these feelings are normal and to be expected. Understand that this situation will pass eventually, but in the meantime, focus on being kind to yourself. If you need additional support or personal connection, it’s there.

Online therapy can be an empowering and accessible way to take care of your mental health, especially during times when it’s not feasible to make a trip to your therapist’s office. And just like in-person therapy, if you are committed to making the most of your therapy time, it can be a rewarding experience with long-term benefits.

If you are interested in getting started with teletherapy with one of our clinicains, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

 

Diagnosing ADHD in Adults

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

ADHD isn’t just a problem for children. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), one of the most common neuropsychiatric disorders of childhood and adolescence, often persists into adulthood. Several studies have found that most adults diagnosed with ADHD as children still meet the criteria for the disorder. Recent research has shown that many adults who have ADHD did not have the condition as children. In adulthood, ADHD is associated with significant occupational, academic, and social functioning impairments.

The symptoms of ADHD go beyond simply not paying attention. In particular, it can make it difficult to plan, organize, and focus on daily tasks. It is also possible for ADHD to have a negative effect on your relationships. Furthermore, people with ADHD can experience difficulties with alcohol, substances, and drugs, as well as ongoing emotional and lifestyle problems.

The good news is that ADHD can be managed. You can manage adult ADHD by learning ways to turn challenges into strengths by receiving education and support. Many people find great relief in getting a diagnosis and understanding that there is a reason for their difficulties.

Symptoms of ADHD

A person with ADHD may:

  • Have mood swings that are unpredictable
  • Work carelessly and make mistakes
  • Have a difficult time maintaining attention
  • Be unable to listen when directly addressed
  • Fail to follow instructions or complete tasks
  • Have trouble organizing tasks and activities
  • Avoid prolonged mental effort at work
  • Often lose keys, paperwork, and task-related items
  • Be distracted easily by other stimuli
  • Be forgetful in daily activities
  • Squirm in their seats or fidget with their hands or feet
  • Be continually on the go
  • Become impatient
  • Say things without thinking
  • Butt into conversations or other activities
  • Have sleep difficulties

Causes of ADHD

As of now, it is unclear exactly what causes ADHD. Heredity and genetics may play a large role in who develops ADHD. Scientists are still determining whether certain genes, especially those linked to dopamine, play a role in ADHD development. It has also been suggested that exposure to certain chemicals may increase a child’s risk of ADHD.

ADHD is not caused by bad parenting, too much sugar, or too many video games. This disorder is based on a biological process in the brain. According to brain imaging studies and other research, the brains of individuals with ADHD show many physiological differences.

Risks of Untreated ADHD in Adults

As mentioned above, untreated ADHD is connected to impairments in key living areas, such as work and school, relationships, and quality of life. A few risks of untreated ADHD in adults include:

  • Low self-esteem: Adults with ADHD often experience negative attitudes due to their difficulties functioning. According to studies, the effects of ADHD on self-esteem in adulthood can be improved with treatment.
  • Anxiety: Anxiety disorders affect about 50% of adults with ADHD. It is possible to improve ADHD and anxiety symptoms with medications and psychotherapy.
  • Relationship issues: Studies indicate that adults with ADHD have poor emotional regulation (a lack of ability to manage emotions). Untreated ADHD makes it difficult to manage emotions, frustration, impatience, and anger. Relationships are negatively impacted by emotional reactivity. Medication and therapy can help treat ADHD and improve communication and relationship skills.
  • Job stress: Adults with ADHD face a variety of workplace challenges, including poor communication skills, distractibility, procrastination, and managing challenging projects. It is possible to gain skills to manage ADHD in the workplace through psychotherapy. Additionally, finding a career path that plays to ADHD’s strengths, such as those in fast-paced environments, is important.
  • Substance use: Studies have shown that people with ADHD are three times more likely to be nicotine dependent. People with ADHD were 50% more likely to develop a drug or alcohol use disorder. Substance abuse can be reduced with ADHD medication treatment.

Diagnosis of ADHD

An accurate diagnosis of ADHD is crucial. ADHD symptoms can be similar to anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses. There is no biological test to see whether or not a person has ADHD. A diagnosis is currently made by subjectively rating a person’s behavior at home, work, or school. The American Psychiatric Association provides clinical guidelines for diagnosing ADHD in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). It is widely accepted that these guidelines are used in both research and clinical practice. During an evaluation, one of our SF Stress clinicians will attempt to determine whether these symptoms currently apply to the adult and if they have been present since childhood. Adults should have at least five of the symptoms to make a diagnosis. Symptoms may change over time, so adults may present differently than children. Diagnosis may also include:

  • Ruling out other psychological conditions with similar symptoms
  • Making sure that alcohol or drug abuse is not the cause of the symptoms
  • Assessing the person’s current lifestyle and behavior
  • Seeing if the person showed ADHD symptoms as a child
  • Interviewing their partner, family, friends, and others about the person’s behavior

Treatment Options for ADHD in Adults

The good news is that all types of ADHD in adults can be managed once they have been diagnosed. When treating ADHD symptoms in adults, a combination of the following methods is ideal:

  • Education – assisting the person in understanding and managing their condition
  • Lifestyle improvement – taking up regular exercise, cutting back on drugs and alcohol, and quitting smoking
  • Medication – The use of stimulants and non-stimulants is common
  • Psychotherapy – for problems with self-esteem or substance abuse
  • Therapy – behavioral and cognitive behavior therapy to teach anger management, organization, and social skills according to the individual’s needs.
  • Vocational counseling – increasing a person’s chance of success and satisfaction in the workplace
  • Family therapy – support is needed for the whole family when one member has ADHD
  • Getting involved in a support group.

The Good News

While ADHD can affect people in different ways, once you understand why it is you have been struggling, you can start to explore the many different approaches to managing it and living with ADHD successfully. For adults who discover late in life that they have ADHD, it can be both a source of relief and sadness as they reflect on how different their lives might have been if they had known earlier. Criticizing yourself or others and blaming others for not understanding your struggle won’t help. What matters is what you know now. Learn how to take control of your ADHD and become responsible for managing it so that you can get back to living, working, and pursuing your interests and goals.

Living with ADHD can be difficult, but the good news is that when you implement these strategies and lifestyle changes, you will start to notice how much better you are feeling, and you will grow in confidence about your ability to manage your day-to-day life. A positive solution-focused attitude is something that you learn – and it takes time. Be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, cultivate a sense of humor, and appreciate the people and things in your life that mean something to you. If you think you might have ADHD schedule your free consultation with one of our highly-trained therapists today.  We offer both in-person and virtual ADHD evaluations.

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What Can Therapy Do? Help you accept yourself, others, and the world.

Posted on by SF Stress & Anxiety Center

“I’m my own worst critic.”

The negativity bias in our brains makes it easy to see our own faults and difficult to value aspects of ourselves that others admire.  Maybe the way that familiarity breeds contempt starts with the way we see ourselves?  And yet it feels true to say that loving yourself is the key to loving others.  Perhaps accepting yourself is the pathway toward accepting others, and maybe even building a sense of acceptance for the world.

The “radical” part of Radical Acceptance

Walt Whitman wrote, “To know today or any day I am sufficient as I am.”  Not perfect, but sufficient.  Can I really accept this flawed body, this imperfect mind with all its faults, this man who has hurt others feelings and has made poor decisions?  It may feel impossible to accept all of yourself for exactly who you are.  And yet a conscious effort to do this can be profoundly helpful and grounding.

What on earth is acceptance, anyway?

Radical Acceptance is not a lounge chair.  It is not a way to stop trying and acquiesce to your current condition or lower your standards.  Instead Radical Acceptance provides you with a way to be practical, embracing who you are today.  You can bring awareness to both strengths and areas of growth and then move consciously into construction of your garden.

Your garden includes weeds you may have to pull.  Okay, there are patterns to recognize and change.  Accepting that this is true gives you a clearer idea of what to work through or refine.  No time to meditate?  Wake up five minutes earlier, twice a week and meditate before coffee.  Frustrated with your lack of progress on guitar?  Accept that you feel stuck and sign up for lessons once a month.  Accepting yourself gives you a starting point for moving toward your goals.

Radically accepting others

As above, radical acceptance of others does not mean that you are content with what others have done nor that you will not hold them accountable.  Instead it posits a frank admission of how things stand.  Again, the focus is on a practical acceptance of where others are coming from that provides for a fresh start or engagement.  From there you can start moving toward common ground, taking perspective, and entering into constructive dialog and exploration.

Radically accepting the world

The Negativity Bias of the brain makes it hard for all of us to see the world and its potential in a clear way.  Radical acceptance can mitigate our implicit bias just enough to explore possibilities we otherwise wouldn’t see.   Can you see the desert not as a fixed state but as fertile enough to be a starting point to plant trees and combat climate change?  So it is that we can look out at the world and accept where it is today, maybe the way we see a clock, something that feels endless but always moving into the next, future state.

Your therapist can help you to overcome barriers to self-acceptance.  Your therapist can help you to accept and recognize the patterns others have going, and help you consider how to relate and engage.  Your therapist can help you consider the larger world and refine how you contribute to making change.

Consider employing the experts at SF Stress & Anxiety Center.  Clear the fog.  Find and expand your center. Improve how you relate to yourself, others and the world.  Click the button below to schedule a time to speak to a Care Coordinator.